So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize