is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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