But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
a search helicopter?!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
