there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
