i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
