She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
