if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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