Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
