If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw a hot homeless man
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
