Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
