They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
