once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
