im about as happy as oj after his trial
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
