somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
