they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
