but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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