Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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