i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
