Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
as a side note pls kill me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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