You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she told me i tasted like america
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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