So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hippo gnu deer
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
