Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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