We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
