I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize