I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
