You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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