y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize