and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
