This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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