I cockslap morals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
