An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
3 2 1 whiskey
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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