My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
