I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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