A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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