I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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