Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
