talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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