i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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