Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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