he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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