but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
