I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
