I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
