If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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