i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
