You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
her facebook's as public as her vagina
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
