the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
