No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
