I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
