I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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