we have pet lesbian snakes
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
