oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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