I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
