I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
two words...techno handjob
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
