She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
