I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
