I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
