Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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