I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
