so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
