My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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