Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
