we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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