super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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