I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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