apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
