Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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