i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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