You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
