dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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