The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
