I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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