I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
