She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
