his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This is my gift to your gina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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