This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
