what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
