I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize