Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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