Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
