You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
