I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
