Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
