Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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