Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
