Where is the hickey?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
